Some of you will probably read this & think “get a grip I’ve been through worse”. You’d probably be right but this is how I feel at the moment
Baby M is 5 weeks old today, that time has gone so fast in many ways but also not so much
Today is my first full day alone with him, can you believe that?! Whether it’s my mum, brother or Mr M there’s always been someone here with me. Which has been great!
So why am I struggling then you ask….
I think a lot of it is probably due to my expectations
I thought it’d be easier in some respects this time, the second time
I feel that all I do is feed & get stuck under a sleeping baby
Even with people here I haven’t done things, it’s them that’s hoovered or done the bottles
I’m so far behind with my blog it’s crazy, not that it matters but it’s a means of escape
The worst thing is I am SO TIRED!
I’ve never been good without sleep & I feel like I’m a walking zombie. Baby M wakes up every 2-3hrs for a feed. We bought a Perfect Prep Macine so that helps a little as the bottle is made in minutes but it’s still exhausting. Especially when I can’t fall straight back to sleep. Mini M also wakes up at 6am so usually Baby M has just gone back down then Mini M is up! I feel I can’t rest in the day as Baby M doesn’t really sleep unless he’s on me or we’re out for a walk & he’s in the pram
He is also a little constipated, he holds onto his poo. He gets really bad tummy ache & is screaming – it’s horrible & I feel rubbish that I can’t do anything for him. I massage his tummy & do movements with his legs to try to help
I also don’t feel I can manage Mini M & Baby M on my own. Another reason I feel like a rubbish parent. Mini M is so demanding & he doesn’t understand that he needs to wait. I find I lose my patience with him so quickly & end up shouting. I don’t want to be shouty parent all the time!
I don’t know how people with more than 2 children manage!! Although I don’t want ‘advice’ from others as it just drives me mad at the moment
I know things will get better but right now I feel like the light is at the very very far end of a very long tunnel
There are moments of wonderfulness like when Baby M gives me a lovely smile or we have a lovely moment where we are all giving him a bathby